The number of pupils experiencing difficulties with their social, emotional and mental health (SEMH) is rising rapidly and when we consider the huge pressures put on children at present, it is any wonder?

Pressures from the national curriculum

In the early years, the national expectations for the end of the reception year (age 5) involve, amongst other aspects: reading; writing; comparing numbers; understanding the changes in the seasons and states of matter; showing an understanding of the feelings of themselves and others, and moving in a range of ways such as hopping, skipping and climbing.  When I started as a reception teacher 20+ years ago, if a child could write a sentence at the end of the year, they were considered to be gifted and talented.  Now if they can’t, they are already behind their peers.

By the end of year two (age 7), the national expectations include: telling the time to quarter of an hour; reading longer texts and answering questions in writing; spelling words like ‘because’ and the days of the week/months of the year; and identifying and using elements of grammar such as conjunctions.

Zoom forward to the end of year six (age 11) and children are expected to be: identifying relative and subordinate clauses; using fronted adverbials in their writing and a full range of punctuation; spelling words like ‘appreciate’ and ‘mischievous’ adding mixed fractions, knowing all their times tables up to 12 for x and ÷ (that’s a year four expectation!) and connecting work on angles, circles, fractions and percentages to make and interpret pie charts.

These are just small lists of the expectations from these crucial assessment points in school.  The SATs (standard tests of attainment) in year two have relaxed a little this year, though the standard to reach is still high, but SATs are still very present in year six and though schools work hard to reduce the stress of these tests, it’s still there.

Pressures from extra-curricular activities

Dance classes, singing lessons, football clubs, swimming teams, archery lessons, horse riding, 11+ tutoring… In our house, there’s something every night and gone are the days when children came home, swapped their shoes and went to play out until dark.  There isn’t even much time to watch TV but that’s now on catch-up so we can catch up later (another hidden pressure!).

For many children, their clubs offer a break from stress, a change from school, and an opportunity to develop a skill they are good at and enjoy, but how much pressure do clubs and activities secretly add to their week?

Pressure from social media

The age when children are given mobile phones is getting younger and younger and children are often exposed to social media before they are developmentally ready to access it.  WhatsApp message groups can be horrible places to be, even in year six and possibly lower.  Children don’t realise the tone of their messages and they quickly begin to learn the hard way about what they should and shouldn’t say by text.

Then there are other sites with videos and posts that expose children to aspects of life they previously wouldn’t have known about until later, all adding intense pressure.

Pressure from life

Changing times unavoidably bring pressures to the lives of children and adults.  Considering an ACE score (adverse childhood experiences) can be both useful and sobering as the realisation hits us of how many difficult events or changes children have experienced.  These can include significantly traumatic events like exposure to domestic violence, the death of a close relative, or moving schools and saying goodbye to friends.  They all add pressure.

Children can be very perceptive and can pick up on stress from the adults around them and there’s plenty of that available just by switching on the radio.  What we say or how we say it can inadvertently signal stress in a situation without us even realising.

What can we do?

These are just a few pressures – you’ll be able to think of many more in your own context. It’s not possible to cover all the reasons why children are struggling with SEMH needs but with these in mind, there are lots of things we, as parents, carers, educators and others can do to support good mental health.  Here’s a list of my current top five things to try:

Protective factors

Consider a child’s protective factors and strengthen these.  Do they have one evening a week at Grandma’s where they can kick off their shoes and relax?  Are they getting a balanced diet and enough sleep?  Can we increase protective factors with a free place in a  breakfast club, a workshop on good sleep routines or having a safe space in school?

The emotionally available adult

Having just one emotionally available adult, often in school, before the age of 18 can make all the difference. It’s a person ‘who believes in them, relates to them with compassion, empathy and unconditional positive regard (Carl Rogers), provides appropriate limit setting, understands their attachment and mental health needs, knows their life story, and offers repeated enriched relational, regulatory and reflective opportunities.’ TISUK, 2024.

Soft landings

It’s very easy to get into the habit of placing demands on children as soon as we walk through the door at home: move your bags; put your shoes away; do your homework… That’s certainly the case in my house!  However, things run more smoothly when we have a softer landing.  Often, we get home from somewhere on a Saturday and have an hour to ourselves before we regroup later.  The same can be applied in school; not necessarily an hour to themselves, but a gentle start to the day with activities that promote settling and good wellbeing before diving into the complex maths task for the day.

I wish my teacher knew

This is a strategy that I’ve tried with parents so far but it’s been recommended to me as a really good way of giving children a voice.  It could be done at home, too.  There might be something small that could make all the difference.  Children write a confidential note to their teacher to tell them something they’ve so far been unable to share.  It could be that they are still very sad after the loss of their guinea pig last June, or that they are terrified of the spider in the corner.  Teachers can use this information to make a small change that can have a huge impact on a child’s day.

Attachment play/relational play

In our busy lives, it’s very easy to stop engaging in play with our children once they’re old enough to play by themselves or with others but it’s so important.  Playing face to face, on the child’s terms for just 10 minutes a day can make so much difference.  When the adult tells the child afterwards that they enjoyed playing and it made them feel happy, the impact is even greater.  A child who seems disengaged from their teacher may benefit from attachment play with them, and making time for this during an assembly or break time can make all the difference; being silly together can be a great way to build trust.

Little steps can have a big impact and we need to start somewhere

There are many more things we can do to improve wellbeing and bring down the number of pupils suffering on a daily basis with SEMH needs.  Considering the list above, there’s no wonder some children (and adults) feel that ‘Sunday night dread’ feeling throughout the week.   A smile isn’t going to fix everything but finding ways to regain a smile can help along the way.

Rachel Mackay is a SENCo for three gorgeous primary schools, an Early Years Professional and a Trauma Informed Practitioner. With a wealth of experience in both the state and private sectors, Rachel also runs Wilbur and Flops: Bespoke Tutoring and SENCo Support. Rachel advises families on all aspects of primary education and learning needs, and works with parents and carers to write their contributions to requests for assessment as they begin their EHCP journey. With a growing blog of her own, Rachel was delighted to be able to write a guest post for Lynn How at Positive Young Mind.