by Margaret Rooke
Children with dyslexia need to believe they can and will succeed. This will help them with learning, behaviour, motivation, school attendance, relationships, feelings of self-worth and so much more. Incorporating pupil voice within their support is a key factor in achieving this.
Leaving school with their self-belief intact is so important when it comes to building a successful future. Their experience of the education system may well have magnified what they aren’t good at and failed to play to their strengths, but this doesn’t mean they have to feel crushed by school life.
Introduction
Taking as much as they can from their time at school is important. I’ve noticed that on the days when exam results are announced to the nation, social media is often filled with celebrities and high achievers announcing that passing exams isn’t everything. Their message is that they messed up at school yet look how well they have done.
Of course, this can be true. There are fantastic and inspiring examples of those who have bucked the trend and made good after years of failing in academia. However, in my experience most – though not all – did leave school with a feeling that they could achieve in the world outside.
These social media posts, while rousing and motivating, are also missing the point that passing exams gives us choices. It gives us opportunities. It gives us hope.
So much of what teachers, tutors and education staff do can help children achieve to the very best of their ability. The smallest, most incremental changes they suggest can make a difference, shifting feelings of inadequacy, even if academic struggles remain. These changes can help students manage difficult emotions such as frustration, anxiety and low self-worth.
Common difficulties
A common example for children with dyslexia is dealing with memory problems. Working with parents to make changes at home, for instance by suggesting checklists to pin up in useful places, to help students remember their sports kits, homework and pencil cases, can stop children from believing they are ‘getting it wrong’ all the time. This can also help them feel less stressed, less ‘different’, more in control of their daily lives, and less fearful they will be getting into trouble.
Problems come for most children with dyslexia when they start learning to read, spell and write. This is when differences often become apparent. Those with dyslexia will reach a time when they will not be able to keep up with others, understand their lessons or cope with much of school life.
The answer to these problems is never to ‘just try harder’. Yes, children with dyslexia may avoid learning and avoid subjects, but this isn’t down to laziness, it’s far more likely to be about avoiding feelings of failure and shame.
The importance of listening
This is where the importance of good listening comes in. Not just any listening but listening without interruption or distraction. Being listened to helps children to feel understood and valued by others (something especially important if they feel this from their teacher or teaching assistant) and to value themselves. It helps them to re-gain precious levels of confidence. What children with dyslexia receive very often, instead of quality listening, is feedback about their work or behaviour. When this feedback is negative, this only adds to the other negatives they feel about themselves and their lives, adding to their stress and defensiveness.
I suggest using CPD to practice good listening, maybe in twos with a colleague. We all trip up when we listen. For instance, we might think we know what someone is about to say, imposing our own belief system on what we imagine we’re going to hear. We can rehearse the response we think will work best while someone else is still talking – so we are not in fact listening, but waiting for someone to stop speaking. A very different behaviour.
We can find ourselves distracted by hunger or tiredness or ill health; or by external factors such as cold or heat or noise. If this happens and we find ourselves tuning out or interrupting, we can stop, apologise to the person we’re with, and return to listening well, staying curious and asking questions that will help you both. Or agreeing to re-group at another time.
When we listen well, we gain crucial insights about those in our care. They’ll be more likely to feel relaxed and non-defensive. They’re more likely to open up about their feelings and their weaknesses, and to co-operate with us. They’ll be more aware of their strengths and more prepared to consider other points of view as well as their own. Research on listening has proved this. Feedback from us to them by itself is not enough.
True listening helps children to believe that an adult is on their side. They will know someone sees them for more than simply their grades. They need to know they are noticed for their efforts not just their achievements. Listening well is a time to hear how children believe they can best be taught. They can be involved in setting their own reachable goals, allowing them to experience success. They can be acknowledged for the rounded people they are – how they achieve in non-academic subjects, what their strengths are, from kindness to friendship to art to sport. When we see and respond to how multi-faceted they are, they will be kinder to themselves too.
Teachers can also learn about and involve their students’ strengths in their lessons, from artistic ability to problem-solving, communication skills, spatial knowledge and more. Our teachers already have a demanding workload. Setting aside short lengths of time to listen and understand may take some of the strain of this away. That’s the best way I can promote it!
Further resources
If you’re unsure if a child is dyslexic, the British Dyslexia Association have some excellent resources.
Be in no doubt, children and teens with dyslexia have experienced the exhaustion that comes with hard work. They also know how they can be taught that helps them; the small tricks of the trade that make things easier. Some of these have been listed in my two more recent books on dyslexia Dyslexia is My Superpower (Most of the Time) and Meet the Dyslexia Club!
The books are written in the words of children and young people themselves. The young people in your class may not always listen to the adults around them, but they will often listen to their peers. They are able to internalise a message that re-assures them that they’re clever and strong and can follow their dreams, no matter what label they have been given. They know they face hurdles, but they also know there are ways to open their doors to a successful future.
Margaret Rooke writes books to empower and inspire children, teens, their families, and those who work with them. She has spent a great deal of the past ten years listening to children and communicating their thoughts and feelings on to the page. Her best-known books include Dyslexia is My Superpower (Most of the Time) and the award-winning You Can Change the World! Everyday Teen Heroes Making a Difference Everywhere. At the end of last year, she launched her book for primary children, Meet the Dyslexia Club! The Amazing Talents, Skills and Everyday Life of Children with Dyslexia.
These books show how, with self-belief, support, and focus, young people can make changes to their own lives and the world around them.
Margaret is the mother of a daughter with dyslexia (and a son without!) For more information, see www.margaretrooke.com or @margsrooke on Instagram and Twitter, and Margaret Rooke on LinkedIn.
