Welcome to new guest blogger Helen Witty as she navigates the difficulties of keeping our tempers in check.
I’m hoping we can agree that the last year has brought challenges in many forms. Life in school has been a succession of complex whirlwinds under the additional pressure of the Covid storm, along with the Government standing safely along the shore shouting incoherent and inconsistent messages. That said, we’ve coped admirably, but perhaps not without some damage, depending on where you are in the ocean.
Under normal circumstances, choosing to spend your life working with children brings a range of emotions to your day; the last year has increased the intensity of some of those emotions for staff and students alike.
Tempers are frayed.
We are all exhausted.
Most of us are well aware of the following through bitter experience but just in case, here it is…
If you shout back at someone that is shouting, they will shout louder.
And so will you.
And so on.
The need to win can be dated back to primeval times, which is fair enough if you’re worried a sabre-toothed tiger is about to eat you and your family. Not so much of an issue if a twelve year old won’t hand over his mobile phone. There are long and short term effects of shouting in someone’s face. The short term being the least of our worries. The long-term message that we send out – that it’s OK to shout at another human being – is not a good one to model. For further information on these long term effects, click here: https://www.smartclassroommanagement.com/2011/01/08/10-reasons-why-you-should-never-yell-at-students/
This can be a tough one. Being the responsible adult in the room is exhausting. The analogy of “putting your oxygen mask on first” has hung around for a while, and for good reason. That mask can and will slip.
Do I notice when I’m getting overwhelmed or need a break? Yes.
Do I then always take a break, step back and think before I speak? Hell no.
Why? Because I’m not Wonder Woman (Although I secretly hope it will happen one day).
Recognising what really triggers those intense emotions can help. Because, believe me, the children will have picked them up, they are perceptive and inquisitive. They will also push you to your limits, that’s their job. They will ask, “Miss, why are you in a mood today?” and I’ve replied, “Oh, I didn’t think I was.” I then consider my body language and tone of voice and realise why they think I’m “in a mood”.
So much good work has been carried out on ‘emotional regulation’. In my experience devoting time to getting to know the children you work with is time well spent and there is definitely a return on it. Gareth Morewood’s (@gdmorewood) advice is key for me in building relationships, because if you get to know the children well, the skills and experience you’ll gain will allow you to get to know yourself too. So devote time to get to know students individually and create consistent, positive routines and get to know yourself too. Warts and all.
Apparently it takes 90 seconds for that feeling of anger to dissipate. I’m not going to tell you that the science is correct – that’s certainly not my forte – but I will say that that 90 seconds can make all the difference.
Watch the clock.
Step away.
Distract.
I’ve shown my students this technique, which is based on the work of Jill Bolte Taylor and it has helped quite a few.
The belief that teachers that ask for help are weak still persists, I’m not sure we will ever banish it. Yet still we are fallible. It helps to have people around us that notice our signs. It’s easier to spot the signs in me as I have the worst poker face. Every emotion I feel is emblazoned across my face in glorious technicolour. A friend of mine is expert at spotting signs in colleagues. She just pops her head out of the door or if passing in an ‘exchange’ in a corridor and will say “ Everything OK, Miss?”
Accept the help if you need it. Then pass it on.
About Helen:
