By Anne Kyle
I had the job many people aspire to. An executive leadership role in education, earning over £90,000 a year. A large regional reputation. A proven record of transforming vulnerable schools, leading large teams, and changing lives…
…and yet, I walked away.
Not because I couldn’t do it. Not because I stopped caring. But because I shouldn’t have to do it under the conditions we’re expected to endure—and neither should you.
Read on to discover where you can start with compassionate leadership.
A Broken System
The system is broken—and it’s breaking us.
I’ve led schools through inspections, post-pandemic trauma, safeguarding crises, rising violence, and stretched mental health services. I’ve carried children, families, and staff through their darkest times.
I’ve also carried my own pain—managing rare and serious health conditions while still giving everything I had.
Until one day, I realised I had nothing left to give. Because when the assaults happened—yes, actual physical assaults—no one came running. No local authority. No governor. No system.
As Headteacher, you’re the last port of call. You’re expected to absorb it all—violence, trauma, policy gaps, broken governance, recruitment collapse, parental aggression—and still turn up smiling, capable, resilient.
But we are human and we break too.
The Perfect Storm Post COVID
Let’s be honest. The pandemic didn’t create these problems. It exposed them.
Attendance has plummeted. Safeguarding demand has exploded. Emotional, social and mental health needs in schools are now overwhelming. Leaders are expected to be everything to everyone—with less support and more scrutiny than ever before.
No wonder so many are quietly crying in car parks, secretly updating their CVs, or simply surviving one day at a time.
I Didn’t Give Up
I Chose to Lead Differently; leaving the system wasn’t failure. It was freedom, because leadership shouldn’t cost your wellbeing, your health, or your safety.
I created ‘The Leadership Edge’ to help other leaders find their way through this. To offer coaching, challenge, and system-aware consultancy without the burnout. I now support MATs, local authorities, and school leaders who want change—real, human, transformational change.
A Call for Compassionate Leadership – 6 tips to get you started
1. Model Vulnerability and Active Listening – Share (appropriately) as a senior leader/HT how you navigate challenges and openly listen to staff and pupils, paying attention not just to words but to tone, body language, and emotion. Building deep rapport strengthens trust and fosters psychological safety across your school community.
2. Embed Wellbeing into Decision-Making – Before introducing any initiative or change, apply an “ecology check” — asking, “Who else will this impact, and how?” Compassionate leaders assess the wider emotional and relational impact of their decisions, not just the operational outcomes.
3. Create Safe, Reflective Spaces – Build regular opportunities for staff to share concerns, feedback, and successes without fear of judgement. Use reframing techniques to help teams view challenges as opportunities for growth and resilience, rather than failures.
4. Celebrate Process, Not Just Outcomes – Actively notice and anchor positive emotional states — such as persistence, collaboration, and creativity — by celebrating small wins. This helps embed a culture where effort, learning, and emotional resilience are consistently recognised and valued.
5. Lead Reflectively and with Emotional Flexibility – Compassionate leaders regulate their own emotional state before responding to difficulties. By managing their internal state (through breathing, reframing, or anchoring calm), they can lead with reflection rather than reaction, modelling emotional resilience for others.
6. Shape the Language of the School Community – Consciously model and encourage the use of empowering, solution-focused language across the school. Using positive language patterns (e.g., “What’s possible?” instead of “What’s wrong?”) and recognising different thinking styles (meta programs like towards/away from motivation) helps create a compassionate, forward-thinking culture where pupils and staff feel safe to grow, take risks, and reflect openly.
Finally…
Compassionate leadership isn’t just about what we say — it’s about how we say it and the emotional frames we create for others.
If you’re on the edge, I see you. You’re not weak. You’re not failing. You’re responding to an impossible set of expectations with quiet courage. Let’s stop pretending resilience means self-sacrifice and let’s start building systems that sustain the people who lead them.
Anne Kyle – Leadership Coach | Education Consultant | NLP Master Practitioner
Anne Kyle is a retired Executive Headteacher with nearly 30 years’ experience in education, including leading specialist and alternative provision. Now a leadership coach and consultant, she supports school leaders through The Leadership Edge with Anne Kyle, combining strategic expertise, NLP-informed coaching, and a deep commitment to inclusive, values-led leadership.
